February's Redemption: Remembering Alex at Christmas

Christmas is by far my favorite holiday. I have many cherished memories of waking up with my brother and sister at the crack of dawn, and sometimes earlier, to attack the presents waiting for us under the tree. I learned long ago that Christmas is not about the stuff, however, it is about the people with you. Our last Christmas with daddy, I knew my parents were trying to make up for the awful year we'd had. We got more presents that were more expensive than ever, but that did not make Christmas 2000 any more special. As I grow older, it seems there are more and more people to miss at this time of year. My dad, of course is number 1, he always made Christmas special for us. Every Christmas Eve (while my mom wrapped presents) daddy would take us out to look at lights...that's just something I'll never forget.

When I found out I was pregnant this summer, I looked forward to Christmas. I thought of how close it would be to the baby's birth and how we would ask for little gifts we needed for him. Maybe I would even buy him a stocking. But that was not meant to be.

Instead I remember his little life, along with the others I miss. One way I chose to honor Alex was through Operation Christmas Child. It's a program that sends gifts to children all over the world. My church has done it for years, but this year I wanted to pack my own special box to send away. I went to Walmart and spent more time than necessary browsing in the childrens' section and considering the toys I would purchase. I paged through some books that brought tears to my eyes with words of love from a momma rabbit to her child. I ended up buying enough for two boxes (well I didn't realize that at first so I had to send my sister out to pick up a few essentials that I did not have double of). It was nice to know that even though I could not shop for my own child, I could make someone's child very happy for Christmas.

I also wanted to get an ornament for the tree. As you can imagine, they don't really make any hallmark decorations for lost babies. I shopped around and found two ornaments that were meaningful to me.

First I found this blue jay. I have seen a blue jay perched in the tree Alex is buried under a few times.

Then I found this little Angel at Target.

And a friend made this for me. It says Alex Lovebug. I debated over what should be on it for a while. His due date, Feb 24, 2011? 2010? We don't really know exactly when he passed except that it was sometime in mid-July. I finally settled on his name and lovebug since he should have been a February baby.