13 Week Update

Well here we are at 13 weeks. 1/3 of the way to our due date! It still seems surreal. I have all the proof that I am pregnant, but I still feel like something is missing. I don't feel that nesting urge. July is only 6 months away but it seems to me that it will never be here. I'm not sure I really believe this is happening.

I feel haunted by my last pregnancy, even though every single appointment/test/ultrasound/time I hear the heartbeat on the doppler tells me everything is fine. I see my waist growing and yet I still struggle to trust that this is really happening. The worst part is the nightmares. At least once a week I have a nightmare about miscarrying this baby. Each scenario is different, sometimes I'm at home in the shower, sometimes I'm at work, one time I was in the hospital and my boss was coaching me through delivering my dead child again. One of these dreams occurred while I was away chaperoning the Model UN trip last weekend. It was unnerving and I woke up with tears in my eyes. I hoped the baby was ok. The first thing I did when I got home was check for a heartbeat with the doppler. Luckily it was there.

I desperately want to believe everything is going to be ok and give my whole heart to this little one. I feel guilty that I have not been able to do that yet.

That being said we are excited that everything is going well. Today we went for our NT testing. We had another ultrasound (check out the great picture we got of the baby's face below). Everything looked good and the doctor said there's nothing that looks suspicious and the measurements did not indicate downs syndrome. The heartbeat was 158 this time. Baby measured exactly 13 weeks, which is exactly where we are today. This also means the baby is measuring one day ahead of the last ultrasound and 4 days ahead of my ovulation date. So do you think s/he looks more like me or Doug?


I'm going to try to complete this survey every week and add a pic of my "bump" which really doesn't exist yet. Let me know if there are any questions you think I should add to this survey.

How far along?: 13 weeks
How big is baby?: the size of a peach
Weight gain?: 5 lbs
Stretch marks?: no stretch marks yet
Maternity clothes?: I broke down after not being able to button my fat jeans at work on Friday. I had been wearing a bella band with most of my dress pants but I figured if I am going to have to spend the money on maternity clothes, I might as well wear them for as long as possible. I figure I'll pick some spring dresses up in March/April. Maternity pants were actually cheaper than a lot of the pants I normally buy since I have to get longs.
Sleep?: I am ALWAYS tired! I sleep on my side with a body pillow
Best moment this week?: Hearing the HB properly on our doppler tied with getting some great new pics
Food cravings?: ICE CREAM (specifically Ben and Jerry's Phish Food)
Gender?: Doug has had 2 dreams about having a daughter, but besides that we don't know. I told Doug it was up to him if we find out or not, he is not decided yet. He has till March 7 to decide. You can vote on what you think it will be on the right side of this blog :)
Movement?: I know the little one is moving because I've seen it and read about it, but I don't feel it yet (besides some twinges which are probably just round ligament pain)
Belly button?: still normal
What I miss?: I really wanted a Ham and cheese sandwich today! (on a snowflake roll with miracle whip to be precise)
Labor signs?: too early!
What I'm looking forward to?: Having a bump instead of just looking thicker--see pic below (ok the shirt is kinda big because its maternity and rouched on the sides. I wanted to try and wear the same thing for most of my pics, so I put this on since there is room to grow in.


Excuse the mess on the counter, the mirror lines up with Doug's side of the sink ;)