Someday we're gonna have it all

So much to catch up on! The first week of school was great and terrible at the same time.

So starting with the good stuff. I have my own classroom, which is really great. I have everything rolling with my clubs. I copied all my schedules for meetings, posters for dances, and registration sheets. This year I am running NHS alone and Model UN with Leah. NHS is gearing up for the Freshman Dance. MUN will be holding an interest meeting for students soon. I also have a student to tutor on home instruction already, so that's some nice extra cash. Plus I make the schedule so I will just tutor on the days Doug has class at night. I only have 2 blocks of teaching until the 15th and my student seem pretty good so far. I have all freshmen so I get a lot of funny questions right now :)

Of course there are things that are bothering me or stressing me out. Three other teacher are pregnant, one with a due date one day ahead of me. I hate seeing them, I hate being jealous, I just think I should be right there with me. And of course on of my students is pregnant, due 5 days ahead of where I would have been. I don't actually have her in class, I did last year. She showed me ultrasound pictures...that was a hard day. I am also stressed about the lab I am teaching. Since we are detracking, it's basically extra help for kids who would normally be in lower level classes. I am not worried about the students. I know the content and I know I can help them. I am annoyed at the attitude of my coworkers who have so much to say when the boss isn't there, but when she is in the room they just act like they love the idea. More or less I am worried that I am being set up to fail because they will not do what our boss is asking...which is to get me information and to work with their content teams to stay on the same page so I can manage what I reteach and focus on in the lab. There's not anything I can do about this.

I made myself a cd for the car of all the songs I have found helpful since I have miscarried. It flows from sad songs about loss, then songs about getting through tough time, and finally songs about being stronger because of what we have to go through. That CD may actually get worn out if I keep listening to it at this rate.


I have been working on making my home look more like a home. Curtains and decorations are the main thing I have been purchasing. We also painted our spare room which will someday be the nursery (Doug and I already refer to it as the baby's room...but only when we talk to each other). So rather than describing it I will show you the pictures. The color is called aqua bay.

Ok the color is not very true in this pic because of all the lighting and camera flash.

There is a brown blanket on my earthy green couch to help you imagine the chocolate slipcover that is on its way from Kohl's. (got a great deal there after comparing with Target, Sears, JC Penney, Overstock.com, and Amazon...about $10 cheaper for the same brand cover than everyone else and shipping was less too) When I have some time I am going to look for fun fabric to make tie backs and pillow covers. I am thinking pastel polka dots to make it fun and appropriate for a child's room.


This picture is truest to the color.

Coby has already claimed this room as his! I wonder what he will think someday when we add a crib, rocking chair, and dresser! I have to say I am pretty happy with the bare bones of the room. It's a relief to know I will not have to worry about painting or curtain hanging when I am expecting (this includes worrying about the disastrous job Doug would do trying to paint...it's just not his forte). I have also found it helps me to think positive. Someday, somehow we will have a child to live in this room, and right now this is what I can do to prepare for that day. We're taking the only steps forward we can right now.

I decided to hang these plaques in the kitchen. I found them at Target (I actually had to go to 2 different Targets so I could get all three). When I went to Target last night there were a million mom and pregnant bellies there...sigh. So I went to peek in the decor aisle and saw these. Immediately the dragonfly caught my eye because a lot of women on the forum I post on associate a special meaning with the dragonfly. I of course, love butterflies. The words on them are perfect. I am happy I'll be able to see them everyday in my kitchen. (They aren't hung yet, this pic is on my kitchen table).

OH! How could I forget my mom brought me flowers today. It was so nice. I put them in Alex's vase.

The title of this post is from my friend Leah who sent me the song these lyrics were in when we found out about the miscarriage. At the time it was way too positive for me as I felt that we had just lost it all. I am seeing the light now, and loving the song.