And Exhale...

Closure is the gift I recieved today. The nurse called today with the results of my ultrasound (well she actually called yesterday but I was teaching and couldn't get the phone...when I finally had time to call back she was gone for the day).

I never wrote about the ultrasound. It was an exercise in self control. I had the same tech (in a huge radiology office, what is the likelyhood of that) who asked me why I was there "this time." We were in the same room as last time. I stared at the same doggone spot on the ceiling as I did when we found out something was wrong with Alex. I got through it, made it to the car before the tears won the battle. I went to see dad and prayed everything would be ok.

So the news is, the cyst is gone! My ultrasound was clear and normal, no surgery for me!! I am so happy about this. It closes the door on this episode. My body is back to normal and we can move on. HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF.

I went to church this week, another good thing, showing I'm moving past this. *By this I mean the depression, grief, and physical process that this has been. In no way will I ever be "over" the loss of our child. I will acknowledge it for what it is and continue to live my life.*

And now, to quote my husband "I know you are getting better because you notice the house is messy, and you care about it." Ok, so I totally admit I but housework on the backburner as I dealt with this. I would have been embarassed to have anyone at the house after my inlaws left (I did manage to clean before they came). I allowed Doug to revert to his slovenly only child ways for almost 2 months, now I have lots of cleaning and retraining to do. He doesn't like it when I get upset at him, so I trust he will improve quickly in order to avoid my wrath ;)

I am beginning to feel like myself again, and it is good.