Today I am making progress. It is a blessing and a curse to have the summer off to deal with this becuase there is not much forcing me to get up and keep going, I actually can't wait for school to start! Anyway for the first time since the miscarriage I got up at a reasonable time, showered, put on clothes that I could not wear to the gym, and I even put on make up!
I went to the doctor for my follow up appointment at 4 today. My cervix is closed so it looks like my body did a good job of taking care of itself. So glad I did not have to schedule a D&E, although if this happens again I think I might just so they can run the tests and find out why this is happening. Once the bleeding stops it looks like I can go back to my normal activities. Dr. C also told me not to worry about the cyst, we are following it up because the tech saw it. Just have to make sure its disappearing. Sigh...I just wish there were answers to all my questions.
So I have made a 3 step plan to get my life back in order. First was today, all the things I mentioned above were my Step 1: Rejoin the real world. Step 2: Eat Healthy and Exercise. Step 2 is starting Tuesday, so until then I am eating and drinking whatever I like, but while I was at the grocery store I made sure to stock up on healthy foods. Step 3 is to get busy. I have a meeting at work on Monday which should help me kick Step 3 into gear. I am going to make a list of all the things I need to do before the end of the summer this weekend and spend everyday working on that list. I think my 3 steps are going to help me get through the rest of the summer till I am back to all my wonderful distracting students at school.
Finally, as I was driving to the doctor's this song came on the radio...not sure if it was good timing or awful because it made me want to cry (but I didn't). Just wishing that I will be able to realize the truth in these lyrics sooner than later.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfWAG-bnttQ&feature=player_embedded
I know how you feel- you know in your head, and somehow deep in your heart that God's plan for us is always better...but when these hard, horrible things happen in our lives, it is impossible to see how something could be better than carrying your baby to term, and loving him or her for the rest of your lives. The lyrics are true though- the pain does fade to memory, and you know where you're going- you're "going" to be a mommy, you just don't know how yet, or when. It sounds like you are doing a great job at pushing through this. Love you!
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